Sydney Avey
Dynamic Woman — Changing Times
Getting Through
I use getting through as a life strategy. I get through one thing, and then another, and then another. Why do we speak of life events as something we need to get through?
I got through the holidays. More to the point, I got to spend precious time with my family. I felt like I was in a movie when I met my friend Sherill on a blustery day in a trendy bistro near Pike’s Market in Seattle; spirits were high; our conversation was magic; it was exciting to be on the streets instead of in the kitchen.
I tend to measure life as the next event I have to get through, instead of the next moment of anticipated joy. I think that’s because events always harbor unknowns. Will the plane arrive on time, the weather cooperate, our luggage make it to the turnstile? Will we all hold it together or will someone get put out, or get their feelings hurt? (We did quite well on all these fronts.)
What are the stresses that make us view a date marked on our calendar as a grit-your-teeth-and-go moment?
Time crunch
Events often require planning and preparation. That takes time away from our normal routine in which we have likely squeezed too many activities already. Something won’t get done. Something will fall through the cracks and come back to haunt us.
Fear of the known
I am driving to San Francisco this weekend to attend Poet’s & Writer’s Live. I hate to drive on the hills in the City by the Bay! Will my car get stuck in a vertical posture at the crest of a hill? Will I roll back and hit the car behind me before I can stomp the accelerator hard enough to move forward?
Fear of the unknown
The event is being held at the Brava Center. Never been there. Will I find parking? I’m going alone. Will I find people to hang out with? I’m planning to stay with my friend Charlene. Will that work out okay?
It’s a constant push to keep my comfort zone from shrinking. To that end, my New Year’s Resolutions present themselves.
I accept the challenge to keep my comfort zone clutter free to make room for what I truly care about. Far less distracting myself with social media. All those prompts to “check this out; read this; try that; sign up today…? Delete, delete, delete.
No! to calls for action that don’t align with my purpose. It’s time to face the truth. Literary fiction is what I write. There isn’t much market for it so far as I can tell. It isn’t lucrative, unless you get lucky. I’m in it for love, not money. I have to accept that if I don’t treat my writing as a business and churn out what’s popular, I will not be considered a serious writer.
Yes! to opportunities to spend face time with family, friends and neighbors, my community of writers, and readers of all persuasions. Nothing expands the borders of your comfort zone like making room for people.
Is your comfort zone shrinking or expanding? I ask this question with no judgement. There are seasons of life in which both are appropriate. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
photo credit: deeplifequotes via photopin cc
I loved seeing you too!
For me it was a big leap to take the train to Seattle for an overnight trip just before Christmas, with all the duties of preparing for the holidays. I planned meals ahead as well as I could, and then just went for it! I’m so glad I did. I am sure I will remember my lunch in Seattle with you more than I will remember any particular food I cooked for the family later.
Years agoI learned a big lesson about getting through things from my brother Russ. He flew from Seattle to Portland with his teenage son, and met me at the airport with my teenage daughter. Our plan was to fly to LA all together and spend a few days at Disneyland. When we met at PDX we discovered that our flight to LA was cancelled. I started to fuss, but Russ said, “Hey, we are together, our vacation has already started, and it will all work out somehow.” And it did. We had a great time at the airport, while we stood in line to rebook a flight to LA. My little brother taught me that it’s the enjoyment of the present moment that is more important than getting through the next moments.
Sydney, as always you are candid about your fears and struggles, especially with regard to the world of writing.
I recently experienced a paradigm shift and simply let go of Book One, and told myself not to worry about a time frame with Book Two. Why not give myself five years to write it well? Because it became something I had to “get through”, and not a joy to rediscover a life I had lived.
I’ve gained a FREEDOM from the tyranny of meeting events as a burden, of seeing writing as a job, not as a calling to communicate.
My comfort zone is equivalent to my pain threshold…and by making sure I don’t become numb, I accept discomfort, and the pain of disciplining my body and my time.
Love you dear friend.