Sydney Avey
Dynamic Woman — Changing Times
Special offer: Moving Mom to Assisted Living
Thinking about moving mom (or an elderly relative or friend) to assisted living? As a special offer, I am making one of my popular blog series available free as a PDF to my newsletter subscribers. Current subscribers will receive their free copy in the February newsletter. New subscribers will receive their copy when they sign-up.
This short guide offers insights on factors to consider when you face moving an aging relative. Many of us will have to make this call for our parents. Our culture does not make this an easy conversation. This guide helps you identify the signs that your relative or friend can no longer live independently. It offers suggestions for the tough conversation ahead and a checklist to help you manage your new responsibility.
Written in anecdotal form with warmth and humor, Moving Mom offers the words of an encouraging friend, letting you know about the blessings that abound at the end of this difficult road.
Excerpt
Making the Call
Does any parent ever decide on their own to to move into assisted living?
I told myself that my mother-in-law made this decision when she purchased long-term care insurance. So why was I tossing in bed at 3 am, feeling intense pain in my muscles? Why did my heart break and my brain accuse me of callous selfishness? Because my husband and I had to make a tough call to move mom against her will, and it felt like we were torturing a puppy.
This downloadable ebook is based on blogs I posted that chronicled our experience and how we made some difficult decisions. At the suggestion of readers who found our story helpful, I want to share what we learned with you.
In the summer of 2014, my husband and I received a disturbing phone call. My mother-in-law had fallen and hurt herself, a neighbor told us. She was in pain. She wasn’t getting out of bed. She didn’t want us to know.
We flew from our home in California to rural Arkansas, where mom lived. We knew we had to see for ourselves if she could continue to live independently.
Photo credit: Jamesy Pena
About the newsletter
Sydney’s News For Readers|For Writers is the way I keep in touch on a more personal level with my readers and colleagues in my writing communities. Approximately six times a year, I share what I’m learning as a reader and a writer and give updates on my projects. Signing up for the newsletter will put you on my personal mailing list. You may unsubscribe at any time. I do not sell or share your personal information with any third party.
My mother did decide on her own, a blessing for which I am forever grateful. Her second serious fall left her on the floor for many hours until discovered by her young grandson. The next time the entire family was together, she told us that it was time to find her a place to go. We all imagine ourselves dying peacefully at home surrounded by our family. We naturally resist any suggestion to the contrary. Unfortunately, in so many cases, by the time it becomes clear that such a move can no longer be avoided, dementia has set in and the parent seems incapable of understanding anything other than the fact that he or she is being forcibly removed from their home, the place where they wish to die. In my mother’s case, I believe that there were two factors that allowed her to make that decision on her own. First, she took care of her own mother in our tiny home for the last year of my grandmother’s life. I was only 11 or 12 at the time. My grandmother was suffering from severe dementia. It was a rough time for all of us, but most of all for my mother. I believe that my mother wanted to spare her own children that agonizing and frustrating experience. I can only hope that I am as considerate of my children. Second, although she lived on in assisted living for many years, my mother’s problems were physical. She was sharp as a tack to the day she died. When she made the decision that she could no longer live at home, she had all of her wits about her. These circumstances are probably rare. Thank you for helping your readers prepare for this all too common eventuality.
Thanks for sharing your story, Doug. I know that our kids are already asking us, “What’s your plan?” I’m glad they feel free to do that.