Sydney Avey

Dynamic Woman — Changing Times

Witness Protection

Nov 7, 2014 | Fun, Uncategorized | 2 comments

suitcaseA Facebook posting by Jeremiah Peters caused me to revisit my list of acceptable hideouts should I ever require witness protection. Jeremiah was hanging out at Barnes and Noble, trying to get some work done, when a guy sitting next to him took a phone call, put it on speaker phone, and proceeded to discuss his security clearance with a job recruiter, or something like that. The posting garnered some witty comments having to do with the danger involved in overhearing such a conversation. That naturally led me to reflect on the list I keep in my head of acceptable places to relocate, should I ever require witness protection.

Some people fantasize about winning the lottery. I fantasize about being forced to relocate to a city or town of my choice at government expense. I’m sure that’s not how it works, but a girl can dream.

What is it about this scenario that I find attractive?

  1. I love new beginnings.
  2. Nothing solves the problem of clutter like having to make a quick getaway. If it doesn’t fit in a suitcase, it gets left behind.
  3. If you feel stuck in a rut, relocation energizes. Lose the baggage. Lighten the load. Hit the reset button. Footloose and fancy free. Reinvent yourself.

Every place I visit auditions for a spot on my Witness Protection Program relocation list. I realize my criteria should be based on where I’m not likely to be found, but these days, I honestly don’t know how that is possible. You can change your name, but you can’t change the retina pattern in your eye. Just sayin’.

Here is my top ten list of places I would happily disappear at government expense (not in order).

  1. The 14th arrondissemente in Paris. (For those of you who are not Francophiles, that is Montparnasse.)
  2. Camelback Mountain above Scottsdale
  3. Carmel Valley
  4. Barbados
  5. Queen Anne Hill in Seattle
  6. Ashland, Oregon
  7. The owners suite on a tall sailing ship
  8. A writer’s residency in any national park
  9. A beach house in Aptos, CA
  10. A condominium at the harbor in Winslow on Bainbridge Island

Fantasize with me. You’ve witnessed something that puts you in danger. The Feds are at your door with the offer of protection if you cooperate. (Do you have a choice? I don’t think so.) You glance at their list of dismal places to disappear. You have a quick minute to counter their offer. Go!
photo credit: chispita_666 via photopin cc


  1. Olga Godim

    I’d go to Toronto. I’ve been wanting to relocate there for a long time, but first I had a job that kept me in Vancouver; now there are other circumstances. If at one point I have choice, that’s where I’d go.

    • Sydney Avey

      I’ve only ever been to Vancouver, Olga. Very cosmopolitan. I tend to like cities that are on a large body of water.
      How does Toronto compare? What’s the draw?


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